How to Talk to Your Parents About Wills and Estate Planning
Tacy Paul Roby, CFP®, Senior Wealth Advisor
Do you ever worry about whether your parents have a valid will—especially since you’ve heard probate can be expensive, time-consuming, and overwhelming? Perhaps you’re mindful not to pry about what’s in their will but want to ensure it is updated and reviewed within the last three to five years. Yet, despite your best intentions, your parents avoid the conversation, brushing off your attempts to discuss it.
You’re not alone. Many adult children face similar challenges when initiating discussions about estate planning. Thankfully, my friend and mentor, Kathleen Burns Kingsbury, offers invaluable advice in her updated book, Breaking Money Silence. Here’s a glimpse of her wisdom:
Why Estate Planning Matters
Effective financial planning includes having an estate plan. This typically involves:
- A will or trust: Avoid probate and honor your wishes.
- A power of attorney: Designate someone to act on your behalf if you become incapacitated.
- A healthcare directive: To communicate your medical preferences as you age.
These documents protect your parents’ wishes and prevent unnecessary stress and confusion for their loved ones. By preparing them and openly discussing their intentions, your parents can give you clarity and peace of mind.
How to Start the Conversation
Don’t lose hope if your parents are reluctant to discuss their estate or financial plans. Breaking money silence is a process, and persistence pays off. Consider these tips to navigate the conversation:
- Assess Family Dynamics
Reflect on your family’s relationships and identify who might be best suited to approach your parents. If your attempts have been unsuccessful, perhaps another sibling or trusted family member could lead the discussion more effectively. - Understand Their Resistance
Aging parents often avoid estate planning discussions because it forces them to confront their mortality. If your parents resist, ask them gently what makes them hesitant. Avoid judgment and thank them for sharing their feelings. Sometimes, breaking the silence begins by understanding their reluctance.- Leverage Motivators
Highlight the benefits of open communication and explain how conflicts among siblings often arise when estate plans are unclear.
- Leverage Motivators
These insights might encourage your parents to see the value in having these conversations.
The Key to Success: Patience and Support
Breaking money silence often requires time, creativity, and sometimes the help of a skilled financial advisor. Enlist someone who can facilitate the dialogue with sensitivity and professionalism. It may not happen overnight, but the long-term peace of mind will make your efforts worthwhile.
About Kathleen Burns Kingsbury
Kathleen Burns Kingsbury is a renowned money mindset coach and the author of Breaking Money Silence: How to Shatter Money Taboos, Talk More Openly about Finances, and Live a Richer Life. The updated second edition of her book will be published on January 14, 2025. To get your copy and learn more about her transformative advice, visit breakingmoneysilence.com/book.
By fostering open, compassionate communication, you can help your parents secure their legacy and protect the family’s future.
