Tacy Paul Roby, CFP®, Senior Wealth Advisor
Talking about aging and long-term care with a loved one is never easy. But it’s one of the most important conversations you can have to ensure their needs and wishes are met. My friend and mentor, Kathleen Burns Kingsbury, is soon releasing an updated version of her book, Breaking Money Silence, which is full of actionable advice for tackling these tough financial and emotional discussions.
In the weeks ahead, I’ll share insights from Kathleen’s work, starting with this delicate topic. Here are some practical strategies inspired by her wisdom to help you approach the conversation with love and intention.
- Start the Conversation Early
Ideally, this discussion should happen before your loved one begins showing signs of dementia or significant physical decline. Early conversations allow you to focus on proactively understanding their wishes and planning rather than reacting in a crisis.
Long-term care options—like nursing homes, assisted living, or in-home care—can be emotionally charged and financially burdensome. Consulting with an eldercare specialist can help you and your family navigate these decisions thoughtfully.
- Process Your Feelings First
Kathleen emphasizes addressing your emotions about your loved one’s aging before discussing the topic. This will allow you to approach the conversation with a calm and supportive mindset rather than from a place of fear or frustration.
- Lead with Observations, Not Diagnoses
Rather than suggesting your loved one needs help because of a perceived issue, focus on specific behaviors and how you want to assist. For example:
“I noticed you received a past-due notice for a few bills. I want to help you manage payments so you can avoid late fees. Can we talk about this?”
This non-confrontational approach gives your loved one a sense of control over the conversation.
- Be Patient and Persistent
If your loved one isn’t open to the idea immediately, that’s okay. Give them time to think it over and revisit the conversation after a few days. These discussions often take time, but you can reach a resolution that honors their needs and wishes with patience and support.
Opening the door to conversations about long-term care is challenging but essential. You can create a foundation of trust and collaboration by showing compassion and respecting your loved one’s autonomy.
Stay tuned for more insights from Breaking Money Silence in the coming weeks. This book is a treasure trove of advice for navigating financial and emotional topics with the people you care about most.
